NOVELTY FACIAL HAIR

Anything from soul patches to muttonchops to spiky, lightning-boltesque sideburns-- especially as worn by clueless, no-hope-having baristas, under the illusion that it speaks volumes about their profundity or nonconformity. Example: That idiot with the Mr. T baseball cap at the 8th Avenue Starbucks is too busy admiring his novelty facial hair to be bothered with pouring me a coffee.