SAM

Uncle, a tall, lean, good-natured rich man who sets paces and spends his money. Born July 4, 1776, S. Great Britain. Godfathered by France. Was an impetuous baby. Education: School of experience at Washington. S. was assisted in early life by a number of men who took an interest in him. When thirty-six years of age he chastised his mother, but later became on excellent terms. Went in for land and colonization business. Succeeded. At the age of eighty-four S. suffered from a severe attack of internal indiscretion. Recuperated slowly. Later entered the trust-raising business, and devoted considerable time to politics. In 1897 he spanked a European power, but had to take care of the children after the incident. S. is either Republican or Democratic. Favors the former, although once in awhile he desires change. Wore a goatee, long hair, high hat, a suit made out of the flag, smoked cigarettes, had bad manners, and used much slang. Publications: Bank notes. Ambition: Another Republican president. Address: Washington, D. C., U. S. A. Epitaph: (If he ever gets one he deserves it.)